When it comes to my personal radars, I think I was born with faulty hardware.
My Gay-dar? useless. Two girls making out? Attention seeking. Two guys making out? Really good friends.
Preggo-dar? useless. I usually can tell around the 9 month stage. Even then I'm more easily persuaded to think that some women like to run around with basketballs under their shirts than be pregnant.
Into-me-dar? Non-existant. Even with a tongue down my throat I'm inclined to think "oh, this is friendly."
When it comes to signals from the opposite sex I am clueless.
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| Fig. 1 |
So my Mother felt it was time for a life lesson while we were eating out at lunch. The nice [male] waiter comes up and comments, "You have a band aid, with a frowny face. Oh no, what happened?" Now I assume that when waiters are talkative they're working for tips, which is what I assumed at this moment. So I stumbled through an explanation about a cut that is conveniently located on my neck [in ideal hickey territory.] See Figure 1.
Well, after taking our orders, I look at my mother who straightens and starts in this tone that means whatever she is saying is about to be an important life lesson.
Mom: "You know why he commented on your band-aid, right?"
Me: "Err... because it's neon pink and a little hard to miss?"
Mom: "No, because he thinks you're cute. You need to learn these things, they are very important in your life now. I really want you to start working on this."
Her tone was truly concerned, like my general lack of perception was a serious handicap and we need to have an intervention about it. I was half expecting my friends to come out of some alcove and to sit down next to me and hold my hand.
I didn't really have much to say after that. I guess I need to buy more pink band-aids.
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